I once read somewhere that holding a grudge is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die. The analogy seems a little extreme, but do think about it for a minute: nursing grudges isn’t only just completely futile, it actually harms the person who refuses to forgive. In the yogic lifestyle as well, forgiving is a vital aspect of wellness and is vital for achieving freedom from pain and suffering. Like empathy or karuna, it helps in the spiritual growth and evolution of a person.
Why holding grudges is like being in prison
Nursing a grudge against someone for something they did or didn’t do, something hurtful they said, etc. keeps you from progressing, growing and becoming happy as a person. It keeps you tied to a narrow, confined, limited space where you stew in resentment and perhaps thirst for revenge of some sort. While you are involved with these negative feelings and this internal tussle, you are trapped. You see yourself as a victim and you therefore become the victim.
This means that someone else has that much power over you. You have relinquished your power to a person who was cruel or who hurt you or caused some injustice. Remember that other person may not even be aware of what they did, or if they do, they may not care. Imagine the power imbalance here! That other person wields power over you without even being aware of it. While you’re suffering, that other person is oblivious to your pain.
Feelings of hurt and betrayal can be very corrosive not only for mental wellbeing but also impact physical health. Holding grudges will naturally make one angry, hostile and anxious. This could have a negative impact on mental wellbeing and self-esteem, and even impact professional performance and interpersonal relationships. All have physical manifestations, such as higher blood pressure, higher risk of heart disease and lower immunity.
Forgiveness is freedom
To forget is human to forgive is divine goes the old adage. It can be difficult to forgive someone who has wronged or betrayed you. And sometimes it can feel as if you are somehow betraying yourself; that you’re doing yourself an injustice if you abandon your grievance against someone or something. There is that feeling that you are somehow dishonouring what happened to you and lessening its importance if you decide to let it go.
But this is not so. In fact the opposite is true. You dishonour yourself when you give someone else so much power over you, your emotions, wellbeing and destiny. When you forgive, you reclaim your power. You reclaim your mental and physical wellbeing. This is the real way to honour yourself. When you forgive, you smash the bars of the prison you created for yourself and kept yourself locked within. You now have the emotional bandwidth for healthier, more meaningful connections.
This is when you give yourself permission to be happier with yourself and with others around. You find yourself being less angry, more productive and positive. You find that your health responds accordingly. And this is something that I have found to be true as a yoga therapist as well – holding a grudge is corrosive; forgiveness is freedom!